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Personal Tax Returns

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors… and miss.

Robert A. Heinlein

An Englishman’s home is his tax haven.

Economist Magazine

It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required.

Anonymous

There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn’t get worse every year.

Unknown

I’m proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is – I could be just as proud for half the money.

Arthur Godfrey

The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.

Revenue Auditor

Just let ’em feel that you can save ’em something on taxes and nobody will keep you out.

Warren Buffett

Every time the government changes things, [my tax return preparation] business does increase. Every year a few more people throw up their hands and say, “I can’t prepare my return any more.”

Henry Bloch

Even accountants have imagination.

Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale

Don’t tax you. Don’t tax me. Tax the companies across the sea.

Dan Rostenkowski

The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing.

Jean-Baptiste Colbert

Why does a small tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

Peg Bracken

A tax return is an attested document. It is signed by the taxpayer and the preparer under penalties of perjury. It is not an opening offer.

Lee A. Sheppard

On my income tax [Form] 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

Tom Lehrer

I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.

Douglas Adams

Tax does not have to be taxing.

Inland Revenue advertising campaign

The problem with practicing tax law is that the general rule never seems to apply to anything.

Anonymous Tax Lawyer

The avoidance of tax may be lawful, but it is not yet a virtue.

Lord Denning

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Mark Twain

I think there is something desperately wrong with the system when there is only a small subset of people who understand how it works.

Todd McCracken

I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged.

Roger Jones

We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

IRS

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the Income Tax.

Albert Einstein

Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.

Calvin Coolidge

America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.

Laurence J. Peter

We have a tax code that favors those with the best accountants.

Shane Keats

If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader.

Thomas S. Foley

Virtually every major accounting firm is an aggressive adversary of tax simplification.

Stephen Moore

I hold in my hand 1,379 pages of tax simplification.

Delbert L. Latta

Inflation is the one form of taxation that can be imposed without legislation.

Milton Friedman

The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall.

Denis Healey

But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

Benjamin Franklin

The question where an income is earned is always a matter of doubt when the business is begun in one country and ended in another.

William Howard Taft

The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes.

Anonymous

The only imaginative fiction being written today is income tax returns.

Herman Wouk

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